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Monday, April 28, 2008

SUB-ROSA NEWS

Some of the News
That may be True


DON KING SIGNS HILLARY CLINTON TO FIGHT CONTRACT

At a press conference in New York today, fight promoter Don King announced that he had signed Senator Hillary Clinton to a three-year contract for a minimum of four headliner prize fights.

Questioned by reporters about this unprecedented signing, Mr. King declared that Senator Clinton is undoubtedly the strongest, most indomitable fighter in America today. She had been on the ropes and has come back many times. And she has that showtime spirit, like Ali, crowing often about what a remarkable fighter she is.

King claimed that Clinton has a quality shared by few other fighters, she will never give up or stop fighting. Mrs. Clinton will never even acknowledge that she is far behind on points, or even knocked out.

In scheduling fights, Mr. King notes that he will, in deference to her age, postpone contests with the likes of Laila Ali or Jacqui Frazier Lyde. He plans to find a way to have fights with the daughters of champions like Jack Dempsey or John L. Sullivan. Even with fighters as strong as Clinton, it is important to keep her from losing her bearings.




WRIGHT CHALLENGES PRESIDENT CLINTON TO DEBATE


Immediately after his appearance at the National Press Club, Reverend Jeremiah Wright challenged former president Bill Clinton to a debate - "anytime. any place". His rationale being questioned by reporters, Wright explained that since each of them had been deemed influential in the campaigns of the two remaining Democratic candidates, it was important to clear the air and debate their views and their contributions to the public dialogue surrounding the campaigns.

Suggested debate locations included Little Rock, Nantucket, and South Side Chicago. As for format, the Reverand said that he preferred a Lincoln-Douglas style debate. If moderators were to be used, he said his preference would be for Chris Wallace and Chris Matthews.

Reverend Wright went on to state that his suggestion for a debate was made with all due humility and that he would be honored just to appear on the same platform with a member of one of the most elite couples in America.







POPE MEETS WITH BISHOPS

After celebrating his first public Mass in America at Washington Nationals stadium, Pope Benedict XVI met with a group of the leading American Bishops. The main news emanating from this meeting was the Pope's message that at this time there is an unprecedented opportunity for increase in church attendance.

Pope Benedict noted that all across America people in small towns were frustrated with the failure of the U.S. government to respond to their needs and were turning to their traditions and to their churches. Some of these citizens were even bitter. In times like these, there is a return to faith and it is important that the Roman Catholic Churches be welcoming and help those who wish to cling to their religion.

While His Holiness expressed regret at the circumstances that had made these people bitter, he was pleased that religion could provide refuge and comfort

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