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Friday, July 22, 2005

SUB-ROSA NEWS

Pentagon Raises Recruitment Age Limit to 65

Washington July 22, 2005 Today, General Robert McNamore, the Defense Department Director of Personnel, issued a directive officially changing the maximum age for recruits to 65. Long rumored because of the recruitment shortfall in the past 2 years, the change is to be effective immediately.

A Pentagon spokesman denied, however, that this move was just a tool to turn recruitment around. Major Hutsut noted the marked change in our population trends, especially the increased activity and fitness of older adults. In addition, enlistment of a substantial number of seniors would do much to alleviate the financial difficulties of our Social Security system. Members of the military can use the military
retirement benefits. He added that there were no current plans to create military private retirement accounts.

Undecided as yet are the nature and extent of deployment. These new recruits might be integrated with some of the older National Guard units. Or these troops might have their own units, taking advantage of their wisdom and unique experience. They could wear down the enemy with monologues of medical complaints, lamentations over today’s youth, and stories of yesteryear. The band could demoralize the enemy with pieces from Guy Lombardo and Russ Morgan. Unit names under consideration are Senior Corps and Gray Berets. The name of Codger Corps was rejected as sexist.

Under questioning, Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld defended the decision as a strategic initiative. Faced with a China that has the most rapidly aging society in the world, it is wise to take advantage of the aging population that we have here in the United States. Besides,economics dictates that we find gainful employment for the elderly among us. They can't all be Vice President or Secretary of Defense.

THE BOMBERS WHO CAN'T BOMB STRAIGHT

Two weeks after the horrifying bombings in London on July 7th, we witnessed four other bombing attempts, one on a bus and three on the London Underground.. They all failed. Initially, it is not known whether this is a copy cat or follow-up event.

What is known is that only the detonators worked, the bombers fled, and a treasure trove of evidence was left behind. Although the bombers planned deadly results, fortunately the plan failed. I wonder how much we have to fear from these fumblers.
Not only did the devices fail but also they all walked right back in front of the cameras that helped in the identification of the perpetrators of the earlier bombings.

What were they thinking?