SUB-ROSA NEWS

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Weekend at McCain’s

It was just a social event, insisted Senator McCain's spokesman referring to the gathering of presumed vice presidential hopefuls at McCain's secluded ranch in Sedona,Arizona. Attending were Mitt Romney, Florida Governor Charlie Crist, Lousiana Governor Bobby Jindal, and Meg Whitman former CEO of eBay,

According to a confidential source, the weekend proceded smoothly and amicably until the Memorial Day barbecue. As the barbecue was being served, Governor Crist laughed and smirked when Mr. Romney asked for arugula to accompany his meat, saying that this sounded very "elitist". Then Bobby Jindal took offense when Cindy McCain asked him to provide technical help for a problem with their home computer.

Finally, Mrs. McCain herself becam extremely annoyed as Meg Whitman kept pointing out to Senator McCain how much he could get for several artifacts and household items by selling them on eBay. As a result, the picnic lunch ended early and the guests were dispatched to the airport.

Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee regretted that he was unable to attend this weekend social event.




DON KING SIGNS HILLARY CLINTON TO FIGHT CONTRACT

At a press conference in New York today, fight promoter Don King announced that he had signed Senator Hillary Clinton to a three-year contract for a minimum of four headliner prize fights.

Questioned by reporters about this unprecedented signing, Mr. King declared that Senator Clinton is undoubtedly the strongest, most indomitable fighter in America today. She had been on the ropes and has come back many times. And she has that showtime spirit, like Ali, crowing often about what a remarkable fighter she is.

King claimed that Clinton has a quality shared by few other fighters, she will never give up or stop fighting. Mrs. Clinton will never even acknowledge that she is far behind on points, or even knocked out.

In scheduling fights, Mr. King notes that he will, in deference to her age, postpone contests with the likes of Laila Ali or Jacqui Frazier Lyde. He plans to find a way to have fights with the daughters of champions like Jack Dempsey or John L. Sullivan. Even with fighters as strong as Clinton, it is important to keep her from losing her bearings.




WRIGHT CHALLENGES PRESIDENT CLINTON TO DEBATE


Immediately after his appearance at the National Press Club, Reverend Jeremiah Wright challenged former president Bill Clinton to a debate - "anytime. any place". His rationale being questioned by reporters, Wright explained that since each of them had been deemed influential in the campaigns of the two remaining Democratic candidates, it was important to clear the air and debate their views and their contributions to the public dialogue surrounding the campaigns.

Suggested debate locations included Little Rock, Nantucket, and South Side Chicago. As for format, the Reverand said that he preferred a Lincoln-Douglas style debate. If moderators were to be used, he said his preference would be for Chris Wallace and Chris Matthews.

Reverend Wright went on to state that his suggestion for a debate was made with all due humility and that he would be honored just to appear on the same platform with a member of one of the most elite couples in America.