HIGHLIGHTS FOR 2009
Former NBA star Charles Barkley has announced his intention to enter politics
and run for governor of Alabama. However, in stating graphically that he
ran a stop sign in his haste to obtain a certain physical pleasure, he has
undoubtedly disqualified himself as too honest to succeed as a politician.*
Caroline Kennedy seeks post of UN Secretary General.
Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald refused to comment on the rumor that Illinois
Governor Rod Blagojevich had reached a plea bargain deal with the
government. The terms of the deal supposedly calls for deposit of $500,000
in the Governor's Swiss bank account, as well as a cushy job for his wife.
Brett Favre says he plans to retire from his job as Jet's quarterback.
Former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales asserts that he was a casualty of
the war on terror, not a culprit. At the same time, he announced the
formation of a law firm, partnering with former Supreme Court nominee
Harriet Miers. The firm intends to specialize on human rights issues.
Zbigniew Brzezinski calls his daughter "stunningly superficial"
Bush - Cheney Legacy
The White House announced the naming of James Frey as official historian of the Bush-Cheney administration. It was felt that Mr. Frey is the author most qualified to do justice to the success and honor of this eight year administration. Mr Frey is most famous for his best selling memoir, "A Million Little Pieces".
GM Buys Chrysler, Plans to Move All Operations to South Carolina
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin claims turkey slaughter during her press
conference was a terrible mistake. She had pardoned all those turkeys earlier
in the day.
Hillary Clinton takes unauthorized trip to Moscow. The Secretary of State
said that it was perfectly appropriate for her to travel to meet with Prime
Minister Putin since she had known him for many years. A statement from
President Obama's office noted that there had not been sufficient advance
work, not referring to "preconditions" of course.
Pope complains to Obama. Pope Benedict XVI joined several European
heads of states in a communiqué to President-elect Obama complaining that
they have been unable to obtain tickets to his inauguration. They pleaded for
his intervention on their behalf. In reply, Obama spokesman David Axelrod
noted that, because of widespread demand, it would be extremely difficult
but that he would see what he could.do.
OBAMA NAMES MADOFF AS IRS CHIEF
In another effort to institute change in Washington, President-elect Barack Obama has nominated disgraced financier Bernard Madoff to head the Internal Revenue Service. Facing criticism for naming a person of such shady character, Obama maintained that this is an example of the type of out-of-the-box thinking needed to counteract the business as usual thinking in Washington.
The President-elect noted that, throughout his campaign, he has stated his intent to tone down partisanship and that it is not necessary that every one in his administration be in agreement on each and every issue. Just as his campaign broke new fund raising ground, Mr Madoff has
developed new and successful methods of obtaining funds.
Mr Obama added that in these trying times, when the government needs additional revenues, it is crucial that the IRS, the nation's revenue producing agency, be led by someone with a proven
record in the art of raising cash.
* "He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw
get in the passenger seat," the officer said. He asked me to admit that she was 'hot'. He
said, 'I was gonna drive around the corner and get a b**w job He then explained that she
had given him a b**w job one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had
in his life."
Former NBA star Charles Barkley has announced his intention to enter politics
and run for governor of Alabama. However, in stating graphically that he
ran a stop sign in his haste to obtain a certain physical pleasure, he has
undoubtedly disqualified himself as too honest to succeed as a politician.*
Caroline Kennedy seeks post of UN Secretary General.
Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald refused to comment on the rumor that Illinois
Governor Rod Blagojevich had reached a plea bargain deal with the
government. The terms of the deal supposedly calls for deposit of $500,000
in the Governor's Swiss bank account, as well as a cushy job for his wife.
Brett Favre says he plans to retire from his job as Jet's quarterback.
Former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales asserts that he was a casualty of
the war on terror, not a culprit. At the same time, he announced the
formation of a law firm, partnering with former Supreme Court nominee
Harriet Miers. The firm intends to specialize on human rights issues.
Zbigniew Brzezinski calls his daughter "stunningly superficial"
Bush - Cheney Legacy
The White House announced the naming of James Frey as official historian of the Bush-Cheney administration. It was felt that Mr. Frey is the author most qualified to do justice to the success and honor of this eight year administration. Mr Frey is most famous for his best selling memoir, "A Million Little Pieces".
GM Buys Chrysler, Plans to Move All Operations to South Carolina
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin claims turkey slaughter during her press
conference was a terrible mistake. She had pardoned all those turkeys earlier
in the day.
Hillary Clinton takes unauthorized trip to Moscow. The Secretary of State
said that it was perfectly appropriate for her to travel to meet with Prime
Minister Putin since she had known him for many years. A statement from
President Obama's office noted that there had not been sufficient advance
work, not referring to "preconditions" of course.
Pope complains to Obama. Pope Benedict XVI joined several European
heads of states in a communiqué to President-elect Obama complaining that
they have been unable to obtain tickets to his inauguration. They pleaded for
his intervention on their behalf. In reply, Obama spokesman David Axelrod
noted that, because of widespread demand, it would be extremely difficult
but that he would see what he could.do.
OBAMA NAMES MADOFF AS IRS CHIEF
In another effort to institute change in Washington, President-elect Barack Obama has nominated disgraced financier Bernard Madoff to head the Internal Revenue Service. Facing criticism for naming a person of such shady character, Obama maintained that this is an example of the type of out-of-the-box thinking needed to counteract the business as usual thinking in Washington.
The President-elect noted that, throughout his campaign, he has stated his intent to tone down partisanship and that it is not necessary that every one in his administration be in agreement on each and every issue. Just as his campaign broke new fund raising ground, Mr Madoff has
developed new and successful methods of obtaining funds.
Mr Obama added that in these trying times, when the government needs additional revenues, it is crucial that the IRS, the nation's revenue producing agency, be led by someone with a proven
record in the art of raising cash.
* "He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw
get in the passenger seat," the officer said. He asked me to admit that she was 'hot'. He
said, 'I was gonna drive around the corner and get a b**w job He then explained that she
had given him a b**w job one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had
in his life."
